


A Summer's Green

by LoneHazelEyes



Category: One Direction
Genre: Books, Bully, Diary, Facebook, First Times, Journal, Love, M/M, School, Summer, Tattoo, Teenagers, Victim - Freeform, class, creative writing, friends - Freeform, game boy, harry - Freeform, larry - Freeform, louis - Freeform, partners, teacher, the 1975
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:05:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4131900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneHazelEyes/pseuds/LoneHazelEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a shy, bullied teen who thinks he'll never have anyone or anything.</p><p>That is, until he has to do a Summer class and comes across the unnerving being that is the sexy Harry Styles.</p><p>Will Louis have the nerve to let down his walls so Harry can enter his life?</p><p>Read this mature style fic, written from Louis' point of view to find out!</p><p>It's all cute and fluffy and will give you butterflies for sure!</p><p>"I tried to act cool around Harry but my words got stuck in my throat and then my throat got dry and I think my face went red because my neck got hot and I guess I started to sweat"</p><p>"I felt his hot breath on my ear and neck and I could smell his minty gum too. How was I supposed to concentrate and relax now?"</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

"Hi. My name is Louis" I said to the class. I was kind of nervous because of my past experiences, but I tried to sound confident. I didn't do so well during the school year because I was avoiding the whole thing and then they made me do this Summer class instead.

My Mum dropped me off and the usual feelings of inadequacy crept into my mind again.

I'm not  _actually_ inadequate, just a little different.

My parents raised my siblings and I the way they were raised, which meant barely any tv or electronic devices, playing outside, using our manners, hand me down clothes etc.

You could say it was old fashioned.

I liked our lifestyle until I was in year three and it became apparent that I was different from the rest of my class mates.

I remember sitting with my group of friends one afternoon after school and David Howes had brought his Game Boy with him. We all crowded around to watch as he made Mario and Luigi jump through the stages, and then he started handing it around so we could all have a go.

When it came to my turn, I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it so just pressed the buttons randomly.

David had asked if I'd ever even seen the game before, and then the rest had joined in about it. I didn't think the Game Boy was a big deal, but apparently it was as they all laughed and made jokes about how I was 'lame'.

I tried to brush it off and as usual, my Mum told me she was in my corner when I told her about it over tea that night.

The next day at school was awful though.

I had thought no-one would say anything about it and move on but I asked everyone of they wanted a game of footie before the bell went and they ignored me.

I'd basically been the outcast ever since and so I guard myself a lot.

Most of the people in the new Summer class I had introduced myself to were also there because they needed to make up the marks.

I'd heard from one of my teachers that some of the people were actually there because they wanted to be there though! I could understand that because I like taking in information and learning new things, but the school environment scared me stiff.

I didn't get much of a response when I introduced myself, but then neither did any of the other people in the class. It was meant to be a bonding session but first day nerves are always the same and as confident as some people say they are, I think we're all a little shy 'til we get to know people better.

I kept to myself for the first day. I sat at the front of the class near a window and figured that if I could just get through the next six weeks, I'd be ok.

I had looked at the students around me when I arrived and they seemed like the usual bunch. A couple of girls sat together looking at their phones but most people seemed to be here alone too.

I tried not to make it obvious that I was looking, but really, I was tring to suss out who I needed to stay away from. There were a lot of boys in the class and they were usually the one's I needed to steer clear of, so I looked at them the most.

A mohawk wearing guy sat next to me with his ripped jeans and leather vest and he was probably the one I didn't need to stay away from.

It's the normal looking people who are the worst. The one's who pretend to be your friend, manipulate you, use you and then get rid of you like trash that you need to be aware of.

I exchanged wry smiles with the mohawk boy and then tried to keep my eye's firmly away from everyone!

But then the anxiety started that once I finished _this_ class, I'd have a whole year of classes left at regular school! I tried not to think about it, but the feeling of anxiety sat with me all day, gnawing at my thoughts just enough for me not to be able to concentrate very well.

If only I could just work at the book shop, I'd be a happy man!

I've been working there since I was 14 and it just fits so well. We have some new books, but most of what we sell are second hand. There's nothing like the smell of the book shop. It just smells and feels like home.

My colleagues there are mostly older than me, except the twins Mark and Rebecca who are 15, so that's why I think I get along with them all so much.

They don't care about what clothes I wear, if I have the latest gadgets or know about the most popular current celebrities. So long as I'm friendly to the customers, on time and do my job then they're pleased with me.

They're comfortable with me and I'm comfortable with them.

I'm an old soul and I love nothing more than sitting in the shop on a rainy day reading the books and drinking tea from the Tea Leaf cafe across the street. I like imagining that I'm the characters of some of the better books, the one's with the far out story lines that are so out of this world they're unrealistic. Almost anything has to be better than my actual reality.

The kids at school call me a drip because I don't know the same things as them, but I just don't get the fast paced society we live in. Everything is so consumerist and not much of it seems to have any substance. It's all so fleeting and the popularity is over the moment a newer or more likeable commodity comes along.

I was once called a daydreamer but I don't see anything wrong with that! At least I have an imagination, which is more than can be said about a lot of my fellow students!

~

Anyway, the second day went better.

Students and teachers smiled at one another as we made our way into the classroom and I felt more relaxed, like I could breathe a little easier.

Our teacher, Mrs Hillyer, is amazing. She's one of those all round intelligent people and seems so worldly and friendly and warm. She speaks to us like we're adults, not teenage students, and I think that's why I like her so much; she values our opinions and wants to learn from us too.

After lunch she decided we were still too quiet for teenagers, so she had us push the tables back and sit on our chairs in a circle, but facing outwards.

We had to go along and say a word one after the other, but they had to make sense like a story, and you could only use words that start with the next letter of the alphabet.

So the first person's word started with A, the second with B etc etc.

If you couldn't think of a word or if your word didn't make sense, then you had to stand up and do 10 star jumps.

It was pretty easy the first time because we were all facing away from one another, but then she made us sit facing each other and do the same thing again.

I was pretty nervous when it came to my turn but I got the word out and the game flew by me smoothly. I thought I had been discreet in my anxiety, but I seemed to have caught the attention of a boy opposite me.

When I let out a silent deep breath to calm myself, he quietly nodded and smiled at me. I smiled back a 'thank you' and the game continued.

I never had to do any star jumps (thank goodness) but the smiley boy opposite me did. He had no problem in getting up and jumping around in front of the bunch of virtual strangers and did the exercise with ease too.

I couldn't help but stare at him as he sat back down and immediately he looked back at me. He smirked and shrugged in a 'I'll do whatever needs to be done in this class' kind of way and we went back to the game.

I thought I could feel his eye's on me, but every time I looked over after that, he wasn't looking at me. I tried to keep an eye on him from my peripheral vision but it kind of looked like I was staring at one of the other people over that side of the circle so I quickly gave that up!

Before leaving that afternoon, Mrs Hillyer said she would be posting names in pairs the next day for us to be working together on things.

My anxiety flooded through me yet again as I realised that would mean actually speaking to at least one other person there, and I didn't really want to do that.

I went from class to work and my unease settled as soon as I walked in and the bell jingled on the door.

"Evening love's" I called out to Roslyn, Geraldine and Annie.

They greeted me warmly as they always have and we shared a pot of tea over stories of how our day had been. I mentioned the smiley boy when Annie asked if I had made any friends yet, and then found myself blushing when she playfully ribbed me about whether he was cute or not.

They all know I am gay but I never actually had to come out to them, it was just something that was part of me. I'd never had a proper boyfriend, only distant crushes, so they always played around with me when I mentioned new guys in my life.

Smiley boy was hardly in my life though!

~

By the time I got home my anxiety had eased. I didn't lose any sleep over it but when I woke up there was this pit of something in my stomach.

It took me a few minutes to wake up, as usual, but when I did I remembered why that familiar feeling was in my stomach - the pairings!

I always hated when the sick feeling returned in my stomach. It would kind of catch me off guard even though it had been happening almost daily for the most of my life.

School holidays since I had been working at the shop have been the worst. It gives me enough time to start feeling human again while I am away from school, but then all too suddenly I have to go back for another year and I remember exactly who I am.

I sometimes wished I had been born to a different family and that I was just like everybody else. I didn't want to be popular, I just wanted to be normal - whatever that is!

And then I would feel guilty about dismissing my family and would swing between anxiety and guilt! It was a no win situation!

Don't get me wrong, I love my family and my upbringing, I just didn't like the way it made outsiders treat me. My parents are not total hippies, they have jobs and friends and we have a car and a proper house, but our values are about being free and open and alternative to what society deems as normal. We also put very little value on material possessions which is why I was an outcast when I was little, because I never had the latest trendy 'thing'.

I actually have a high IQ, so there's no reason why I need to be taking the Summer class, but I just hadn't been able to face the bullies day in and day out so had been skipping classes and exams.

I got to class a little bit early and sat by the door writing in my journal. It's not like a 'Dear Diary' kind of thing, more just like a space where I can write my feelings down, sketch, make notes etc. I had started out with a conventional diary when I was 12 when my Dad brought it home from work for me.

He used to work in this office where they provided the stationery and they had ordered too many so he gave one to me so I could write down my feelings. I thought it was stupid at first, but he challenged me to write at least one sentence every night for a month and then see how I felt about it afterwards.

No-one has ever seen what I have written, and I was hooked after I realised I could keep everything in there a secret but still unburden myself at the same time.

It felt free to say whatever I wanted and have no consequences come from it. Sometimes I even wrote out conversations how I would really like them to go when someone teased me. In those moments, I would always explain that what they were saying hurt me and was wrong and they'd always see the error of their ways and apologise.

Of course it never happened like that and I was never silly enough to back chat to the mean people at school. I had always been fairly quiet and felt that standing up for myself was out of the question.

They would probably just laugh at me and tell me I sounded like a little squeaky mouse or something anyway.

All too suddenly I was aware of other people around me. I was sat on the floor cross legged with the journal on my knee as I drew a rough sketch of a dead tree. They seemed to be my favourite because I felt like they represented me.

All rough and calloused from their exposed years outside in the open, they died with nothing but their branches reaching out for some sun, desperately searching for life.

I quickly snapped the book closed and shot up from the floor, sure that someone would call me a freak. The mohawked guy who'd sat next to me on the first day asked if he could have a look.

"It's kind of private" I whimpered.

"Oh sorry, didn't mean to intrude dude. I want to be a tattoo artist after school so I'm interested in art and shit" he explained rather kindly.

I immediately felt guilty about pigeon holing him as a bully so I opened the book to the page I had been working on "It's rough and not finished and I'm no artist" I apologised.

"Art is always a work in progress I reckon. No matter how finished a piece looks, the artist is never really happy" he answered while looking over my pencilled sketch.

"Oh" was all I could manage.

"It's pretty good actually. The proportions need a little work and the shading could probably be a bit lighter, but I like it. Do you have others?"

He liked it?! What? If I started showing him more, was he then going to tell me it had all been a joke? I didn't want to take the risk in front of some of our other class mates so I lied and said they were at home.

He asked me to bring them in the next day and I said if I could find them I would.

~

I ended up being paired with one of the girls with their phone's, Aleyce. The class moved all over the place as Mrs Hillyer told us we needed to sit together and that we'd be partners for the rest of the Summer.

Great! Aleyce is interested in nothing more than her phone and is here simply because she has to be. She complained that her and her friend should be in a pair because they work well together and then again when they were also seated on opposite sides of the room.

The class is English/Creative Writing, which is why I had picked it, so I am also unamused that we've been paired up. I'm sure she has her good points, but this class doesn't seem to be one of them! Her phone is constantly going off in her top pocket and even though she's been asked to turn it off, she still has it on vibrate and can't seem to ignore it.

I own a mobile so I can call home in emergencies, but I don't have any social media accounts and my phone isn't one of these that does everything besides actually call people! I have no problem with keeping mine on because no-one ever calls or texts me so it's never a distraction.

Mrs Hillyer gives us an activity to get to know one another and so we all pile outside. In our pairs we're to chat with each other for half an hour and then come back to the class and introduce each other to the rest of the students. We're to give out details like our names, birthdays, pets names etc  but we're also to deduce some information about our partners.

Like if they seem passionate when talking about something in particular or if they're distracted or a kind person or something like that.

All I got about Aleyce was that she's 18, wants to be a singer, has two sisters and her parents at home and that she works in a stationery store part time but doesn't like it. I had to elaborate that she loves her sisters so much she writes songs about them. And I don't think she noticed when I totally made up things about a childhood dog she mentioned briefly, or when I said her job bored her to tears.

I have been making up stories in my head and my journal and writing things down for so long that improv just comes naturally to me now. The rest of the class seemed interested and Mrs Hillyer said I gave a good presentation.

The only problem is that Aleyce couldn't be bothered listening to any of the things I said or repeating them to the class, so I still seemed like a loser. She didn't even have the decency to stand up from her chair when she spoke, so a lot of the class couldn't hear her and I got so annoyed because I had to keep repeating what she was saying and basically gave a speech about myself!

I got even more annoyed when we were told we'd have to work together outside of school so we could do an assignment together. I just knew from that moment that I'd be doing the whole thing myself.

At lunch I sat by myself under a shady tree out of the sun. A lot of the other students had started to integrate with one another while I was still on my own.

Matt (the guy with the Mohawk) had been paired up with a guy he seemed to get along well with so I figured I'd just keep to myself like usual. I suppose there wouldn't have been a problem if I went and joined their conversation, but that just wasn't my style so I kept my distance.

Towards the end of lunch as I sat perfecting my sketch from earlier, the smiley boy approached me.

I felt my heart quicken as he got closer and I had to shade my eye's from the glare as he almost stood on top of me. He is so tall that I had to strain my neck to see his face.

He crouched down in front of me and I was almost sure he was going to punch me or something. I swallowed as he slowly put his hand out toward me but then he lost his balance and ended up on his bum! It was kind of funny but I didn't want to laugh for fear of the consequences.

He laughed though and thrust his hand out to me again "Harry" he said simply.

"Louis" I just about squeaked as we shook hands.

I couldn't help but notice how great his skin felt on mine. His hand was firm but not rough or overpowering. Even though his fingers wrapped all the way around my much smaller hand, I never felt like he was trying to control me or anything.

Harry had been paired up with Aleyce's friend Maddie. Maddie had seemed much more intelligent than Aleyce and I had to wonder why they were friends. Harry and Maddie had obviously gotten along when they were chatting to each other as their introductions to the class were equally as interesting as one another.

Harry and I ended up sharing an awkward joke about how we'd been paired with the worst people in the class and I think I felt my stomach flip a little.

Harry is great at looking people in the eye when chatting with them but I find it hard, so there were only a couple of quick instances where I saw his beautiful green eye's.

It's funny because I didn't feel uncomfortable with him. And although he stared at me intently, it wasn't rude, more curious.

For the rest of the afternoon I couldn't help but think about his hand in mine, and Annie most definitely ribbed me when I told her about him that afternoon at the shop!

~

I almost couldn't wait to get there the next morning. I had butterflies in my tummy thinking about Harry but of course I tried to put it out of my mind. There was no way he was going to like me. He probably wasn't even into guys. And I bet he only came over to me because there was no-one else to talk to.

I worked myself up as I walked to our class room, but I couldn't tell if it was good or bad. All I knew was that there was this sick feeling in my stomach and I might throw up at any second.

There were already a couple of people waiting when I got there and I walked past them to stand against the wall next to the door.

"Louis?" one of them called.

I was dubious. How did they know my name? I was so stressed out with trying to be cool calm and collected for when Harry got there that I had forgotten about yesterday's introductions!

"Louis! Come and talk to us" Matt called.

Slowly I peeled my body off the wall and made my way over there. Instinct made me look over my shoulder for someone else to pop out and either try to bowl me over or throw something messy at me.

After an age I got to the silver bench seats where they were seated "Hi" I almost whispered.

"I like your shirt" one of the girls said "My Brother has something similar. He likes The 1975 too".

"Yeah...they're pretty cool" I managed. Was this actually happening? Someone was talking to me?

"They're not my kind of music but my Brother's pretty into that stuff and says they're really popular".

"They were better before they got so well known" Harry says from behind me as he approaches our small group.

I couldn't say anything. My mind went blank as I drew in a breath. I think my hands were going sweaty and I wiped them on my shirt. One of the girls kind of gave me a funny look when I did that, so I stood up taller and agreed with Harry.

He smiled at me as I turned to say hi and I think I could have melted. He had on sun glasses but lifted them up so I could see his eye's as we greeted one another and I'm sure I saw him cock an eye brow at me.

He was chewing gum in his large mouth and while it made a loud cracking noise, it wasn't unpleasant on him. His smile was just as bright as I remembered from the day before, and while I still had that sick feeling, I now knew it was butterflies and not anxiety.

I had to wonder to myself for a moment or two if I preferred the anxiety?!

I couldn't let myself like Harry. I just couldn't. He was the cool kid and I was still the nerdy loser. It would end in tears, I told myself. It would end the way it always did when I thought I had a friend or a confidant or an ally. I had never let myself like someone who was real or who was in my life but I just knew it was going to be the same.

I tried to act cool around Harry but my words stuck in my throat and then my throat got dry and I think my face went red because my neck got hot and I guess I probably started to sweat.

In the end I almost raced to the door when Mrs Hillyer arrived. It turns out I wasn't the only one. Walking into the room I felt a heavy large hand on my slim shoulder "Relax" Harry pronounced softly in a low voice in my ear.

I felt his hot breath on my ear and neck and I could smell his minty gum too. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate and relax now?!

~

Lunch that day was interesting.

After sitting with Aleyce all morning and trying my hardest not to snap at her about her phone and lack of concentration while also trying to strain my neck and look at Harry, I was so glad to be out in the fresh air.

About 9 or 10 of us sat at a lunch table together and discussed our assignments and what we and our partners were going to do.

We had to make a time line of each of our lives from Kindergarten all the way through to the present day, but we had to merge them together and discuss on our own time line what our partner had been doing at the same age. There was no getting out of working together and I was dreading having to spend so many hours with Aleyce!

Mrs Hillyer's husband Mark turned up half way through lunch with their youngest son Max because they were on their way somewhere and they wanted to pop in and say hi.

Mark is all dark hair and long legs and rugged looks. He has a weird crooked nose and helmet shaped hair but it worked on him, and his funny notions on just about everything more than made up for it!

Our entire table was taken over by his charm when Mrs Hillyer brought him over to introduce him to us, and I couldn't help but notice that Harry flirted with him. Harry was equally as tall as Mark but not as broad or rugged and weathered. They actually have similar colouring and could probably pass for family!

Harry stood and shook Mark's hand politely and most of the rest of us were kind of surprised. Harry is quite laid back in class and I guess I kind of thought it was because he was aloof, but now I think he's just more mature than the rest of us! He fell into easy conversation with Mark and joked with Max who was about 6 or so, and I was immediately jealous.

I sat at the far end of the table and watched his mouth move as he spoke and I instantly loved how his dimples came and went as his lips formed the words. He never took his sunglasses off to chat with Mark and I felt like that was some sort of personal victory for myself.

Aleyce and Maddie weren't sitting with us, so after Mark and Max left and Harry sat back down, we joked about how we should do the assignment together because unless it was on a phone, they'd never be doing any of the work! Someone suggested we make it up and someone else said the easiest thing was probably that we swap partners, and Harry and I should do the assignment together.

I ducked my head to the table because I didn't want him to see my shy smile, but secretly I was really hopeful. When I looked up he was looking at me and he cocked an eyebrow in question. I shrugged my shoulders and motioned towards Mrs Hillyer who was walking back to the class room.

Harry and I got up at the same time and made our way over to her before the class started again. We put our suggestion to her but she said she wanted the pairs to stay the way they were and had purposely separated Aleyce and Maddie. She said if we wanted to work together than we should suggest to the girls that we work as a foursome. At least that way Harry and I would still kind of be working together and not feeling like we were doing it alone.

It was a fair approach so we relayed the conversation to the girls when they got to the class room. They didn't care either way and then sat through the afternoon session texting one another!

~

I didn't have work that afternoon, so I went straight home and started peeling the veggies for tea. When my Mum and Dad came home and we were eating, I told them about the assignment. I'm nervous to go through with it because it means I'll basically have to re live everything I've been through. My Dad suggested that it might be some sort of therapy for me and might help me move on from it all.

I didn't say it out loud because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I knew that I would never move on from it. I might learn to live with it, but once you've been bullied there is no escaping it.

My parents grew up in 'the good old days', so while they're supportive of me, they've never have first hand experience of being bullied. They've told me that when they were teenagers they just hung out with friends in their spare rooms, or at the parks or even just in the back yard. They described their childhoods as idyllic and I often wished I had been born in that era.

Thursday's aren't my nights for helping with the dishes, so after excusing myself from the table I went straight to my room to look at my old diaries and journals.

They're in a glory box at the end of my bed, under all the extra blankets I put on my bed during the colder months.

My heart raced as I took them out and stared at their covers. I haven't re read any of them. Once I finish with them I add them to the pile and move on to the next one. I sat on my bed looking at the books and counted nine in total. A feeling of dread filled my stomach and tears started forming salty tears in my eyes that ran down the back of my throat.

I didn't want to do this, but I knew my Dad was right. I put them in chronological order and opened the first one. On the front page was my name, age, phone number and address! I chuckled at that. This was the first diary my Dad had brought home for me and it was meant for someone who worked so had other spaces for doctor's names, next of kin, company name etc.

I turned the page and pressed it down at the spine so it would stay open. In messy blue pen I saw my handwriting scrawled across the page. My tears made my sight blurry and I just couldn't bring myself to read a single word. Instead, I flipped through the pages quickly and looked at the early drawings of mine. Tree's featured heavily even back then, but there was also a lot of bubble writing of my name and different character faces too, mostly sad or angry.

I put the journals back and tried to read a book for the rest of the night.

~

On Friday morning when I got to school I was a little bit gloomy, but not really nervous or anxious. It was a strange feeling because I can't remember a time when I have gone to school and not felt like something bad was going to happen. I was always looking over my shoulder or just waiting for the taunts to begin so I was always very tense.

Mrs Hillyer was late, and fifteen minutes after class was meant to start we were still waiting outside.

Matt asked if I remembered to bring any more of my drawings but because they were in my journal, I wasn't sure about showing him. I ended up flipping through them and showing him a night time city scape I had been working on recently. He really liked it and gave me some tips for making it a bit more realistic, and even took my pencil from me and quickly sketched on the back of it.

I ended up asking him about his future tattooing career which started everyone talking about tattoo's and such and I was rather proud of myself for starting that! It might not have been a big deal for most people, but it was a major step for me.

Mrs Hillyer turned up about half an hour late, having been caught up with two of her sons sick. She'd called through to the school for them to pass on the message but for some reason it never got through.

Our morning session ended up being the sentence in alphabet game again, but this time she wanted us to do the alphabet backwards. We were all much more comfortable with one another now so we were facing each other and laughing most of the time.

It was quite hard because we had to think harder and there were many more people who had to do star jumps, myself included!

I was almost not going to get up, but Harry watched me from the other side of the room and nodded encouragement to me so I got up and jumped up and down vigorously. I feigned exhaustion afterwards and the class laughed. When I too had finished laughing, I looked at Harry who was smiling at me. He blushed and quickly turned away which made my heart flutter again.

Walking out to lunch that day, Harry did a quick skip and caught up with me, placing both his hands on my shoulders and joking that he wanted a piggy back. I thought I could feel the heat from his fingers in my shoulders but then the heat moved down my arms to my elbows where he squeezed me gently.

My heart beat quickened and my palms sweated and I tried desperately not to show my excitement as I looked over my shoulder at him.

"Canteen?" he asked.

"Yeah" I answered as calmly as I could.

In a quick second, Harry's minty breath was on my ear and neck again as he leaned in with his hands still on my elbows and whispered "God I can't wait to get away from Maddie! She's driving me nuts!"

I chuckled and looked over my shoulder at them. They were dawdling out as they always did and were the last one's leaving. I would never be a bully because of my own experience, but God it felt good to be on the other side for once.

"How do you think I feel?" I began as we made our way to the canteen "Her other half barely even knows my name, never mind anything else! I don't know how I'm going to survive the Summer!"

"Me too! At least we've got each other then!"

I felt my heart soar and I swear in that moment I could have cried.

I had someone?! I really had someone?! And _they_ had been the one to say it?! And that someone happened to be the sexy Harry Styles?! Holy shit! Where is the punk'd crew coming out from? I was almost certain in that moment that it had to be a joke.

There was just a tiny glimmer of hope as I remembered his smile from the first day.

Just before we left the canteen Harry asked if he could add me on facebook. I explained that I don't have facebook and while I felt embarrassed, he didn't bat an eyelid and simply accepted it. The kids at my school had always teased me about not having an account on there, saying I was ancient and old fashioned. But what would they have done if I _did_ have an account?

Anyway Harry didn't seem to care and instead asked if I have a mobile number. I almost died as I told him my number and he typed it into his phone then miss called me to let me have his.

None of this seemed to be a big deal to him so I tried to make it look like it wasn't to me either.

~

The afternoon session flew by as Mrs Hillyer gave us time to start our time lines. I really enjoyed this time because I have become quite fond of writing.

Suddenly though, the quiet was interrupted by a loud beeping in my bag. I jumped from my seat and squealed a little because I was so startled. Everyone looked at me and there were a few giggles around the room, but they were friendly giggles, not bullying one's.

Mrs Hillyer looked at me over her glasses and I shrugged a silent apology to her. She asked me to put the phone on silent and for the love of God I had no idea how to do that! My nervous fingers fumbled with the phone until Aleyce finally took it from me, pressed a couple of things and said it was now on silent. I thanked her and checked the message.

 _Looks like you're really into it_ Harry had written.

I smiled and blushed, looked into my lap and breathed out my butterflies. I had no idea what to write back and when I looked over at him, he had his head down like he was concentrating too. I put my bag back on the floor next to me and swivelled my phone in my fingers while I thought of something to send back. The only problem was, the longer I thought, the less I was convinced about what to send!

 _Don't think too much. Just reply_ Another text read as my phone buzzed in my hand.

_I'm not sure what to say_

_Do you like this class?_

_Yes. You?_

_Yeah. When we get more into the writing part I will. How's your partner?_ Harry asked.

I chuckled silently to myself and my shoulders shook. Aleyce actually gave me a filthy look for interrupting her! We texted back and forth for the remainder of the afternoon and Aleyce eventually softly asked "So who's your lover boy then?"

"What?" I asked back, a little louder than her.

"Who is this man that is making you laugh so bloody much?"

I stared blankly at her. I desperately tried to remember if I had mentioned my sexuality to anyone, but I didn't think I had. That sick feeling returned to my stomach and I thought she was going to start telling the rest of the class. My heart pounded in my ears and I was sure bile was going to start spilling out of my mouth any minute.

"Oh come on. What, you didn't think we'd notice?" she whispered as she ribbed me gently. "We don't care you know!"

I breathed out and felt my muscles relax, but couldn't really say anything so I just smiled meekly at her. She didn't say anything else about it but went back to her work and texting Maddie.

I took a quick look over the other side of the room at Harry and Maddie's desk and he was looking at me. His head was half facing the front, half facing me, tilted slightly. He has long brown hair and usually has it in a bun, but on that day he had it loose. Some of it was falling in front of his eye's so he swiped it behind his ear with his fingers, his blue pen still in his hand. Even from the other side of the room I could see his emerald gems shining out from between his lashes.

He was smiling at me with his lips closed and his dimples on show and I swear I heard angels sing! He nodded gently as he saw me looking at him and then went back to his work too, but only after he had looked into his own lap and let out a deep breath.

I went to work that evening for the late shift and something must have been obvious because as soon as I walked in Annie asked "So how's our Harry then, sweetheart?".

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

God, was I that obvious?! I blushed as I closed the door and tried to play it cool as I relayed the days' events to Annie. She was more excited than me I think!

She asked me loads of questions like what I thought he meant when he said certain things to me and if I thought he liked me too, but I really didn't want to buy too much into it. What if he _didn't_ like me? What if it _was_ just a convenience thing because he had no-one else in the class?

Annie told me not to worry too much about it and try to enjoy it because even if I did only know him for the Summer, it could still be really fun.

"I don't want to get hurt though" I complained to her.

"So don't think so much of it. Just go with the flow and don't have any expectations" she answered in her direct way.

A customer interrupted us and I took them to the section they were after. On the way back to the register area I noticed some books out of order so I fixed them up. One in particular caught my attention because I could see the inky marks of someone's writing on the edges of the yellowing pages.

I flipped through the book and looked at the side notes that had been made. It was a poetry book, obviously from someone's school days. The page flipped open to Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken' and I couldn't help but think how appropriate the first two line's are.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both...." I mumbled to myself. I nodded and skimmed the rest of the words. Of course I knew the poem, we'd studied it in school. I had just never been in this kind of situation before and have never attributed it to my own life.

I flicked through to some of the other poems but none of them resonated with me like the Frost one had. I took my now empty cup of tea and the book to the front of the store and told Roslyn I'd probably buy it later.

Friday night's are not very busy for us, but we're always open a little later because the Tea Leaf across the street is. They have wonderfully comfortable seating and the atmosphere is just right for sitting and reading and drinking and eating, so we take advantage of being open and maybe getting a few extra sales.

Annie's shift overlaps mine by an hour but then afterwards it's just me and Roslyn. Roslyn is the owner of the shop. She's a very small woman, almost 50, and on to her second marriage to the most emotionally unattractive man I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Roslyn is a like a second Mum to me, so I love chatting with her about all things worldly. She was anorexic in her teens and early twenties, even after she had her three children. Her first marriage was an unhappy one so she left her Husband and children for a work colleague and started again.

She had always kept in contact with her kids but her and her new Husband struggled financially, so there was no way they could all live together. As her children aged, they'd all had to rebuild their relationships with their Mum but had for the most part turned out quite well.

They're all at University and even after changing their minds on their degree's at least once each, Roslyn is so supportive and proud of what they've achieved.

I felt like I could talk to her about anything because she had been through so much of her own shit in her life and is happy to admit her mistakes. I think she has blinkers on when it comes to her Husband, but I'm not the one sleeping with him so I suppose it's none of my business!

She's a home body who likes cross stitch and cross words and looks forward to her quiet time with her Husband...even if the neighbours are disturbing with their noisy kids! We usually chat about current affairs and I always like that she knows as little as I do about all the 'popular' celebrities!

~

In bed that night I thought about Harry and re read our texts in the dark. I smiled when I saw the 'x' symbol he often used throughout his messages.

My heart skipped a little as I realised I would see him again in a few days. Should I text him over the weekend? I had no idea how these friendship texting things worked! But what would I say anyway? I didn't want to assume I was important to him outside of our class, so I figured I would just have to hold it in and wait for him to do something first.

On Saturday I worked 11-6 and Roslyn told me at the end of the shift I had been extra friendly with the customers that day. I had forgotten to take the book home with me the night before, so she told me I could have it as a thank you for always being so diligent.

I had to pick up some things for my Mum on the way home so I went by the supermarket after getting a take away cup of tea from Tea Leaf. I couldn't help but notice on my walk there that everything was focused around facebook.

Shops wanted customers to 'like' them, competition entry forms could be found there, advertisements all featured the facebook symbol. I had never really opened my eye's and looked around much because I was always so scared of the world and I just couldn't believe how much facebook had taken over.

I walked past a phone shop where all the latest smartphones were being displayed in the window. I had a look at the flashing screens from outside and wondered if I should get one sometime soon? That way I could make a facebook and add Harry and Matt and maybe even Aleyce and Maddie.

I didn't want to become one of those who just looked at their phone's all the time, but I was so sick of being an outcast. All of the people I talked to at class had been ok, so I started to feel a little bit of hope that I might just be able to have some friends after all.

~

On Sunday I didn't have to work at the shop, so I worked a little on my time line before my Auntie, Uncle and cousins came over. We have always had plenty of family time, so while I don't have much in the way of friends at school, I've always felt close to my extended families.

My cousins and all my siblings are younger than me, so we always go in the back yard for a kick about with the footie, or to make blanket forts in the low branches of the tree's. We live on almost an acre and have plenty of grassy area's, so sometimes when they sleep over we pitch tents in the yard and sleep outside.

My relatives know not to ask me about school because I have always been touchy about it, so they usually stick to asking about the shop and the footie. When Auntie Marie asks me about the shop though, I can't help but mention the Summer Class I'm doing.

She looks at my Mum quizzically and my Mum just shrugs and smirks, trying not to make eye contact with me. I've always liked cooking and have been expected to help out, so we're in our kitchen washing, peeling and chopping the veggies from our garden. The little kids are outside with my Dad and Uncle so I'm spoken to like more of an adult while we're alone.

"Anything you want to tell us honey?" Auntie Marie asks curiously.

"Like what?" I guard.

"I don't know...but your Mum mentioned you'd been a bit glowy this week?!"

"Glowy?! Pfft..what's _that_ supposed to mean?!" I feigned, even though I knew damn well what she was talking about.

"You know...all smiley and dreamy and less tense than you usually are after school" Auntie Marie continued.

"Oh really?" I blushed at my Mum.

"Well...I was so happy to see you liking the class...I couldn't help but tell her" Mum explained.

I couldn't talk as my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. My face broke into a smile as I remembered Harry's hands on my elbows and his breath on my neck. I blushed and desperately wanted to blurt out every god damn gorgeous thing about him, but I remembered Annie telling me not to have too many expectations, so I kept him to myself and continued picking the ends off the beans.

Saying goodbye to everyone later on as the late Summer sun hung in the sky, I heard my phone beep from inside. I tried to ignore it, but the butterflies knocking at the inside of my stomach gave me no hope of that! Auntie Marie gave me an approving nod and quick hug and told me to go and see what it was.

I heard them drive out of our long gravel drive way as I excitedly opened the message.

Of course I wanted it to be Harry and I breathed quickly with anticipation as my fingers fumbled with the buttons and I was finally able to open the message.

~

_Have you started the time line yet?_

My brows furrowed in question because the message hadn't come from the number Harry had given me. I looked around like there was going to be someone there with the answer and finally typed out a reply.

_Who is this?_

I wracked my brain trying to think of people who it could be, but I hadn't given my number to anyone else, so I was definitely confused! I didn't have to wait long though because before I had even put the phone down, another text beeped onto it.

_Aleyce. Harry gave me ur number. Have u started?_

_Yes. Started Friday in class! Didn't you?_

_A little. We need to work together tho..._

And here I was thinking I would be the one doing all the work! I wasn't too sure what to reply to her because I knew we had to work together, but we were seeing each other in class tomorrow and could talk about it then!

I ended up replying that we could talk about it the next day, and then wondered if I could casually text Harry the way Aleyce had just texted me?

No, I would wait 'til the next day.

To take my mind off him I got my journal out and started to write an entry. I just couldn't concentrate on the words though, and I actually didn't really have anything to write anyway because my entries are usually dark and I just didn't feel that way.

I surprised myself when I drew an up close leaf with all the veins, a stem, jagged edges and damaged little bits here and there. I ripped the page out and put it in my bag so I could show Matt the next day.

~

On Monday morning I showered and couldn't help but scrutinise myself in the mirror afterwards. I stood looking at myself in just a towel for about 10 minutes, standing taller, turning this way and that to see what I looked like from all angles, checking out my pores, running my fingers along the side of my wide nose.

These things are not new to me. I have always wondered why people picked on me and have always thought that if I just looked better, different even, maybe they'd like me more.

I ruffled my hair after applying some product and worked extra hard on making it perfectly messy. I checked I'd shaved properly, put on extra deodorant, made sure my teeth were clean and finally made my way to my Mum's car.

"Alright?" my Mum asked as I got in.

"Yes. Why?" I asked a little defensively.

"You just took a bit longer, that's all" she smirked.

I rolled my eye's but didn't answer. We made our way out the drive way and my Mum changed the subject to our overgrown yard. Our house is in the middle of the block of land which is why we have such a long drive way, and by mid Summer it's always over grown and in need of some decent TLC.

After joking about how the yard will be the death of us even though we love it, we sat in silence and listened to the radio. I looked out the window and twiddled my thumbs and when we got to a red light my Mum cleared her throat and asked "What's his name?"

I smiled. I couldn't help it. The thought of Harry made my heart soar. I blushed. I looked at my thumbs in my lap. I took a deep breath as the words caught in my throat.

I looked at my Mum who had tears in her eye's and I wanted to cry myself.

I'd told my family when I was 15 that I thought I might be gay. I remember it like it was yesterday. There hadn't really been a reaction from them but there had never been a problem either.

I guess because I'd never had a boyfriend, they might have thought it was a phase or something. Obviously not though, because here was my beautiful Mum, asking me which guy I had a crush on.

"Come on Louis. I'm your Mum, I know these things. You know you can talk with us about anything..."

I took a deep breath as the early morning sun glinted in my eye's. I didn't want to admit to liking Harry. That would make it too real. And I didn't want real. I wanted it to remain perfectly in my mind the way it already was. And I didn't want my Mum to put any kind of expectations on it. Whatever it was.

"Ok, well you don't have to tell me if you don't want to" my Mum said as she patted my knee. "But just remember that you can tell us whatever you like" she added after my hesitation.

Only a few minutes later we were pulling up to the school. "Have a good day Louis" my Mum said as she always did when she dropped me off.

"Thanks Mum, you too" I replied. She smiled as I leant down to look through the passenger door at her as I got out.

"And Mum...?" I added.

"Yes?"

"Harry" I blushed. "His name is Harry".

 ~

I got to class and there were a few people there already. Some of them I had spoken to the previous week, some I hadn't. I decided that I would try and chat to everyone in the class at least once during the course, so I said a quick hello to them all and made my way to the canteen.

When I got there my heart skipped and I stopped for a moment on the spot. There he was. My boy. My Harry.

All long legs and long hair and beautiful green eye's complimented by that beautiful smile he'd shown me on the second day. His skin glowed and he looked like a model as he effortlessly tucked his loose hair behind his ear.

He was talking to some people I didn't recognise and he had his side to me. I watched from afar as his bicep bulged slightly when he moved his arm and I immediately found a new respect for plain white old shirts with the sleeves rolled up. It was partially tucked into yet another pair of skinny black jeans and I had to wonder if that was on purpose or not.

Either way he looked sexy as fuck and I couldn't take my eye's off him.

He laughed and tipped his head to the sky and I watched as his stomach and chest moved in and out as the breath came and went from his body.

I smiled a dreamy smile and I could have stood there and watched him all day if it wasn't for a pair of girls squawking with laughter who caught my attention. One of them had tripped and spilt her drink and for some reason they thought it was extremely funny.

Almost everyone in the canteen turned and looked at them, Harry included. I continued walking towards him and slowly his head turned in my direction.

He blushed and I saw him take a deep breath and then he couldn't look at me, only at the ground. He slowly moved one gazelle like leg after the other and made his way to me.

"Hi" he smiled.

"Hi" I smiled back.

He leant down to my smaller body and I leant closer to him too, sure that he was going to hug me. He hesitated and then I hesitated and then it was awkward. It didn't matter though because he ended up moving to me again and then he did hug me.

I stiffened as he gently put his arms around my back and pulled me close and if I had been in the right state of mind I guess I would have taken more notice of the aftershave he was wearing. As it was, I could barely remember how to hug anyone and I don't even know if I put my arms around him or not!

My mind kind of swooned and my body probably went with it and when he finally let me go, I think my tongue was swollen in my mouth and I couldn't remember how to speak!

"How was your weekend?" he asked.

"Not bad" I answered as I tried to remember if it was! "I worked on Saturday and we had family over yesterday" I rushed out as I opened my back pack to retrieve my leaf sketch. "I did this too" I said as I just about shoved the drawing in his hand "Do you think Matt'll like it?"

I was nervous. I was babbling.  I was trying to stop my heart doing that strange thing in my chest. I feigned a cough to disguise my discomfort as Harry looked at my artwork.

He ran his finger along the detail in the veins I had drawn. " _I_ like it" he answered.

"Thanks" I said shyly. "Did you start the time line?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Mmm, kind of" he replied. "I did a rough outline but I really need to work with Maddie to fill it in. Did you?"

"Yeah, a little. Aleyce text me about it last night but I told her we'd talk about it today".

"Oh yeah, I gave her your number. Hope you don't mind. She got Maddie to ask me for it".

"Yeah, 's ok" I answered, not even really registering that it should have been me to give my number out.

Harry gave my sketch back and as I put it in my bag, we turned to the class room and walked there together. I didn't get anything from the canteen, but really, I'd gotten the best thing of all anyway!

~

Mrs Hillyer had a lot of hand outs for us that day and it passed really quickly. By this time we were all quite comfortable with one another so she said there would be less games and more work. I looked over at Harry as she said this and he looked at me at the same time and we both pulled a face.

I didn't have a shift that day at the shop, so when Aleyce asked me if I wanted to work on the time line after school, I said yes. I was hoping to get most of her part of it in just one or two sessions with her and then I'd make it up and fill it out as I pleased.

We agree'd to go to McDonald's and study there for a while. Aleyce said Maddie might come and join us and the hair on the back of my neck stood up as I realised Harry might be there too.

I didn't want to seem obvious to Aleyce so I didn't ask her if he would be there, but fate had other idea's for me. During the afternoon session Mrs Hillyer got out a favourite book of hers which just so happened to be a Robert Frost book!

She read another of his works Fire & Ice, and it reminded me of the two lines from The Road Not Taken. If I didn't do anything differently, I would never have a different outcome.

 _We're going to McDonalds after class to work on time lines. U in?_ I text anxiously to Harry.

 _Of course_ came his immediate reply.

I smiled to myself and breathed out while trying to hide my excitement, but I don't think it escaped Harry.

_Try not to look so excited Tomlinson xx_

I laughed out loud and got another look from Mrs Hillyer over her glasses. I had never been the object of any teachers attention before so it was quite funny to me that she kept looking at me like that!

 _You wish! xx_ I sent back, mimicking his affection.

 _I know xx_ he replied.

~

The four of us walked slowly to the centre of town and into McDonald's. My family and I didn't indulge in take away's so I only ordered a drink and some fries.

"Don't you want a burger or something?" Maddie asked.

"No. I've never really had McDonald's so I don't know what's good. My family and I don't really eat this sort of stuff anyway" I braved.

I stood there and nervously waited for them to tease me like the kids at my school do. We're not vegetarians, but we're mindful of the meat we eat and all the vegetables we have are organically grown by us.

I've never seen a problem in being environmentally aware of our footprint but apparently it's not cool, so that was added to the list of things the kids mocked me about.

"What do you eat then?' Aleyce asked.

"Mostly stuff grown by us in out back yard. My parents grew up like that, so we did too" I answered delicately.

"Cool" Maddie said "I saw this show about animal cruelty that Jamie Oliver did and I just can't look at meat the same way".

Cool? I had said something cool?

I looked over at Harry who was sitting opposite me and he looked at me through his lashes as he took a sip of his drink. He smiled with his lips still on the straw and it gave me the confidence to keep going.

"We're not full vegetarians, but our diet is largely plant based and we try to only eat seasonally and locally".

"You should probably put that in your time line Leecey Baby. That's a pretty interesting fact" Maddie added.

"Mmm, true" Aleyce replied as she flipped through her note book and started writing.

As we sat questioning one another and writing our time lines, I felt something brush the back of my calf under the table. I gasped and looked at it and at the same time Harry looked at me and shook his head discreetly.

As soon as I returned to me assignment, my calf was being brushed again. If I didn't know better, which actually I don't, I could have sworn it was Harry's leg brushing mine.

Was he doing that on purpose? Playing footsie with me? On any other occasion I would have been suspicious but my new found confidence gave me the courage to respond, and I moved my leg closer to his body.

He shifted his weight on the seat and let his long leg stretch out under the table and rest on my knee. It was a little uncomfortable and heavy at first but his jeans on mine were warm and I liked the feeling.

I smiled to myself and he smiled as he took another sip on his drink and looked at me from behind his lashes. My face started to feel hot and I wondered if I was blushing.

I looked at the girls to see if they had noticed anything but they both had their heads down and were none the wiser. I let my heart beat faster as I shuffled in my seat and pretended to scratch my leg, but really I reached out and touched Harry's ankle.

He titled his head at me and cocked an eye brow in question just as Maddie got a text on her phone. We froze and I thought we would be found out, but still they paid no attention to us.

"Cody's coming to pick us up babes, we have to go" she said to Aleyce.

"Ok" Aleyce simply answered as she started packing her things.

I took my hand off Harry's ankle and he eased his leg off mine. "Let's go to the park" he instructed me.

"Ok" was all I could manage.

~

At the park I made my way over to a picnic table, but Harry gently grabbed my arm and nodded to the play equipment "Let's go over there".

I didn't hesitate as he guided me to the equipment and we each took a swing. There was no-one else around, which was strange for the holidays, so we lazed around on the swings for a while challenging each other to go higher, lying horizontal on them and jumping off as far as we could.

We talked and laughed for ages as we lost our breath pushing the round about to go faster, and I lost count of the amount of times we changed positions to go down the slippery dips.

Eventually we settled opposite each other on a platform on the climbing equipment. It was way too small for both of us to fit on, so our legs were tangled up with each others and one of Harry's feet even hung over the side!

The sun sat deep in the sky and it's dim light flooded all around us. We sat talking for ages and as it settled further and further away from us, I had to squint my eye's from it's glare. A slight breeze had picked up and after trying to keep his curls behind his ears, Harry ended up tying them in a bun.

I had never found hair so intriguing or sexy and couldn't help but watch as he expertly pulled it back and into the hair tie. He caught me looking at him and I blushed and looked at my lap. I knew he was staring at me but my anxieties made me keep looking at my hands in my lap.

I giggled because for the life of me I couldn't think of what else to do and he gently placed his hand on my ankle, under my jeans. My breath caught as his skin touched mine and my natural reaction was to look up at him finally.

He was staring at me like he was trying to read my thoughts. I had never known anyone to look at me like that, and if it had been anyone else I think I would have been intimidated. Not Harry though. He didn't scare me like everyone else did. I felt at ease around him and had no problem with him pushing through my walls.

As soon as our eye's met he smiled. I thought I'd melt as that cheeky boy looked at me with his dimples on full show. Instinct told me to look away but I just couldn't. I wanted him. Not just his body. Not just his heart. I wanted all of him. His soul. His mind. His love.

I looked at his hand beneath my jeans and he rubbed his thumb along my skin. He followed my gaze and I swear I could feel the heat of electricity run up my leg as he did. I swallowed hard and breathed out loudly through my nose as I snatched my leg back.

He looked up at me and before he could get the wrong idea and before I could lose my nerve, I sat up on my knee's and shuffled close to him. I sat back on my haunches and he shifted his legs so they were surrounding me.

I wanted to kiss him but I guess he sensed my nerves, because he reached for my hand and played with my fingers for a little while. I watched as he linked and unlinked our fingers together a few times before he lay my hand out flat and kind of played with my nails like he was inspecting them for their length before a sports match.

I shuffled a bit closer as he kept looking at my hand and he made no big deal of it. I swallowed hard again and watched as the now low slung sun cast shadows through his lashes and across his high cheek bones. We had been there for about an hour and a half and the weather had started to cool for night.

The breeze picked up some loose tendrils of his dark brown hair and splayed them across his face. I reached my free hand out and tried putting them behind his ear, but they escaped so I had to do it again. He placed his other hand over mine and held it to his cheek.

He swallowed and licked his lips as I shuffled closer again and I could almost feel the heat coming off him. He titled his head to me and pushed his neck closer to me and I did the same for him. I watched as his face got closer to mine and my lashes flicked up and down as I looked between his eye's and lips.

He parted his lips a little and I did the same as he pulled both my hands to his waist so I was even closer to him. He'd been chewing gum again and I could smell the mint on his breath.

He licked his lips again and his gaze flicked from my lips to my eye's and back again. After what felt like and age and an event that would break my resolve, our lips finally met.

Harry pressed his rose bud mouth against mine and for a second we didn't move. Eventually Harry brushed his lips on mine and I mimicked him and did the same. Our kiss only lasted for a second or two and there were no tongues, but it was a kiss!

I couldn't believe it as we pulled away and I opened my eye's and there sat Harry Styles!

My first kiss! I could have just about flown to the moon and back I was so happy!

We looked at each other for a second and then someone who I didn't realise was watching us wolf whistled at us from a distance. I panicked and gasped "Shit! I have to go" as I jumped from the platform, grabbed my bag and took off.

"No, don't go!" I heard Harry call after me as I made my way to the bus stop "Louis!" he added as I go further away.

I ran for about three minutes to the nearest bus stop that would take me almost right to my door step. My lungs burned and I was short of breath but I didn't stop 'til I got there.

As soon as I got on the bus I regretted leaving and reached for my phone to text and apologise, but it wasn't there. It must have fallen out at the park.

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

When I got home, my Dad was already about to serve tea, so I helped set the table and we sat together for our meal.

We chatted about our days and I listened to my little Sisters talk about the games they had been playing with the boys at their holiday care group.

Usually I really took an interest in their lives, but I just didn't have the heart to listen to them or really pay attention. My Mum noticed because she asked me to help her with the washing up which is usually my youngest Sister's job.

She asked me what was up and I just didn't know where to start, so I resolved to my usual tactic and let a couple tears slip down my cheeks.

I didn't even know what I was crying about because I didn't know how I felt!

I was so happy that I had kissed Harry, but I was embarrassed that I had run and felt silly for leaving my phone behind.

I reckoned that he'd probably kissed loads of people, so I suppose that'll be the last he wants to do with me.

"What happened honey?" My Mum asked gently.

"We kissed...." I whispered.

"Ok?" Now she was confused too!

"At the park..."

"Ok....?"

"And then someone whistled at us and I freaked out and ran away!" I rushed out.

"Oh...."

"Yep!"

"So...? What now?" she asked gently.

"I tried to text him when I was on the bus but I realised I'd left my phone at the park and now he's probably going to think I'm a little kid and who knows if he'll speak to me again and I'll have to drop out of the class and..."

"Stop! Louis! Stop!"

I did as she instructed and pursed my lips closed and looked at her.

"He isn't going to think that! He obviously likes you, so he'll probably just return the phone and you'll talk about things".

"You don't know him!" I panicked.

"I know, but I know my Son would never have kissed a boy who'd end up treating him like that, so just relax and try not to worry about it".

"Try not to worry about it?!" I asked as I put one of the last plates away.

My Mum looked at me with a familiar pained look on her face. We had been over so many of my fears and imaginings of the worst over the years that she knew not to push me too much.

~

I went to bed early that evening, but instead of going to sleep I wrote in my journal.

I wrote a story about a balloon caught in some tree's after a kid let it go at his Birthday party. After much poking of the balloon, it moved from this branch to that but remained stuck.

Eventually a small wind picked up and helped the kid and his friends release the balloon. They continued to gently poke the balloon out of the branches and to the edge of the tree's where it was finally free.

It was all in no favour of the boys though, because the wind picked it up as soon as it was released from it's prison and blew it away.

The boys could do nothing but stand and watch as the bright blue balloon lifted higher and higher into the sky and eventually drifted so far they couldn't see it anymore.

After I finished the story I drew a couple of balloons at the bottom of the page and closed the journal.

Although there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach, it wasn't that hard to go to sleep that night.

 

+

 

The next morning I was as nervous as anything.

My Dad drove me to school and it was mostly silent in the car. He is interested in our lives, but it's my Mum who does most of the prying and asking for information!

As we pulled around the corner into the school's bus drop off zone, I could see him sitting there.

I made a noise in my closed mouth like a hum or something and my Dad looked at me and then in the direction I was looking; right at Harry.

My Dad looked back at me and asked if I was ok.

"Mmmm" I mumbled.

"Louis? Mate, you alright?" he repeated.

"Uumm... yeah.." I answered with a shake in my voice.

"Who is that?" he asked while pulling on the hand brake.

"Aahhh...a class mate" I replied while still looking at Harry as I reached for the door handle.

"Is there a problem?"

"No Dad" I replied cheerily, snapping back into the moment. "Everything's fine" I added and smiled "I'll see you tonight".

"Louis?!" he called as I got out of the car.

I didn't answer, just slowly made my way to Harry who had now noticed I was there.

~

"Hi" he smiled at me as I approached.

"Hi" I whispered back, unable to smile.

"You forgot something" he added as he held my phone out in his hand.

"Thanks" I replied as I took the phone, not able to look him in the eye.

I was vaguely aware of other people around us, but the world seemed to slow down in that moment.

Everything around us became foggy as our fingers gently brushed while I retrieved my phone. He reached his hand out to me and put his fingers around my wrist, holding me there.

Just like the night before, I felt the electricity run through me as we made skin to skin contact.

My breath became short in my chest as he gently pulled my hand around his waist and my arm went with it. At the same time he expertly put his free arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.

He pecked a quick kiss on my cheek and I smelled his shampoo and that minty gum again.

I left my free hand hanging limply by our sides as he embraced me and whispered into my ear "It's ok".

There were no other words as we stood there for about 30 seconds. Our chests were touching and Harry was bent down a little to accommodate for the slight height difference.

I kept my eye's open but I blinked over and over as I wracked my brain for either something to say, or a move to make.

I came up with nothing so I took to staring at the shadows the tree's made on the brick buildings.

Harry was first to pull away and I was glad because I had no clue about the hugging etiquette! He'd pulled his sunglasses up on top of his head and it pulled his hair back just the way I liked.

We squinted in the morning sun at one another, but I was still dumb founded as to what to say.

He looked over my shoulder and I followed his gaze to see my Dad still sitting there!

God, if I wasn't already embarrassed, I sure as fuck was now!

"Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed" I said as I turned back to him and grabbed onto his firm muscular forearm.

He breathed out a cute little laugh and I pulled him away out of the sight of my Dad.

"Is that your Dad?" he asked in a laugh.

"Yes! Fuck me, I am so embarrassed. Sorry" I apologised as I flicked my fringe from my face, finally able to look into his light emerald eye's.

"Don't be" he said as he stepped closer to me and basically forced my back up against a wall "We all have parents" he added in his deep sexy tone.

"Uumm..mmm" was all I could answer as he put his large hand against my jaw and brushed my cheek with his thumb.

He again breathed out a cute little laugh as he lent towards me. With his free hand he fixed his slipping sunnies up and pushed them back into place.

I thought my heart might stop as I took in the scene only inches from my face, but I had no time to think as he pressed his lips against mine.

I had my eye's still open as our closed lips touched and he briefly pulled away again.

He had his eye's closed as he removed his lips, smiled and then connected our lips again.

This time he didn't pull away, but instead tilted his head into the kiss and parted his lips.

I felt his inner lips on my skin as he brushed his parted mouth over mine again and again. I let go and let my body relax into the wall and sighed out into his open mouth.

He smiled and at the same time I parted my own lips and tilted my head in the opposite direction to him so we could get into it.

At this point I guess other students were turning up for classes but I could have had a bomb go off under me and I wouldn't have noticed!

With his free hand he grabbed mine and put it around him again. I let my hand sit at the curve of his lower back and I think I even curled my fingers so my nails dug into him a little.

I can't be sure though, because I think I was seeing shooting stars behind my closed eye's as our tongues eventually touched and explored one another.

I vaguely became aware of our situation when I heard footsteps go right past us. Someone coughed but we didn't pull apart, and then Harry's sunnies fell down again so we finally parted.

I blushed and tried not to be too obvious as I brushed my mouth, but he kept his eye's on mine as he pressed our foreheads together and pecked my nose.

I looked at the ground and swung my body away from him as I went red, but I quickly turned back and grabbed his hand to pull him to class.

~

We held hands all the way there until I spotted some of our class mates and dropped his hand.

He looked hurt for a second as I looked up and over at him but I just couldn't "Not yet..." I started "just...not yet" I added as I shook my head.

"Ok" he replied simply as he gently squeezed the back of my neck and put his sunglasses on.

I'd obviously hurt him because he could no longer look at me, and while he greeted our class mates, he wasn't exactly overly friendly with them.

He seemed to need to distract himself as much as possible, so I watched as he tied his loose curls up and tuned away from the group a number of times to 'cough'.

He ended up walking to a seat a couple of metres from us and putting his feet up one by one to readjust the laces on his swede brown boots.

One of the others asked what he was doing and he replied that his boots were annoying him, but I noticed he just did them up the same way they were already done.

I saw him look my way, but with the glasses on I couldn't be sure if he was looking at me. I mouthed 'Are you ok?' and raised my hand in question, but I didn't really get a response.

A couple of the girls were flipping through a magazine and talking about who's hot or not and they started asking who we all thought was good looking.

Everyone said someone of the opposite sex, but when it got to me, I just couldn't resist "Someone tall, dark hair, light eye's, the quiet brooding type I think".

"Mmm, sounds sexy!" Maddie cooed.

"Yes, _he_ is!" I replied, looking at Harry.

No-one but Harry realised I was looking at him, but they all did notice I'd used a male pronoun. It was the first time I'd said it out loud and even though I was kind of shaking and my voice was wobbly, it felt good.

Harry smiled and looked back at me and nodded and I knew I'd done the right thing.

We walked into class side by side and while we didn't hold hands again, out forearms and the backs of our hands were bumping one another over and over.

~

I felt more relaxed in class that day and I text Harry to apologise.

I watched from across the room as he read my text and replied that it was ok, he understood and that we needed to talk about it more.

He added that he really liked me and asked if we could hang out again that afternoon.

 _Sorry, I've got work_ I replied.

_Where?_

_Book shop opp. Tea Leaf Café._

_Yeah, I know the one. Tomorrow then?_

_Sorry, working tomoz too! Thursday?_

_Perfect xx_

 Harry and I spent the lunches of the next two days together and we snuck kisses whenever we had a little bit of privacy. I catch the bus from school to work so he always came and saw me off in the afternoon too.

He never pushed me to come out or to be open with him in public, but he did encourage me to be brave, be myself and have more confidence than what I currently do.

I told him I want to have more confidence, but when you've been bullied, it never leaves you.

You are forever questioning yourself as a person and your abilities. I can't remember the last time I walked into a room and didn't feel like at least someone there hated me without even knowing me.

I found out that Harry had always been confident. Not cocky I don't think, but just sure of himself. It had been just his Mum and Sister since he was little, so they'd had to band together and be a stable unit.

He said that some people thought he came across as aloof, but he just likes to sit and observe people. He's so smooth with everything he says, it made me question whether or not he'd practiced all of his answers before I'd asked my questions!

 

+

 

Annie teased me on Wednesday afternoon when I got to work because she said I was kind of mooning about the place!

I couldn't help it though really.

Harry Styles!

 _The_ Harry Styles wanted to hang out with me in all his beautiful, lanky glory.

I couldn't help but get ahead of myself and see us doing things like going on proper dates, hanging out with friends at parties, visiting our families together, talking on the phone for hours after dark.

Annie was just teasing me a little more when a text from him came through. It was just some random dots and squares on my phone though because I have an old school model.

I text back a question mark and he sent back _oh yeh, I forgot about the brick phone! I sent you a smiley face with blush on it's cheeks!_

 _Thanks_ I sent back as my own cheeks flushed pink.

Annie was so pleasantly sick of seeing me like that that she sent me across the street to get some tea and muffins from the Tea Leaf!

I took ages to decide on the flavours because I had my mind on so many other things, so I barely saw Wayne Turner as I exited and almost bumped into him.

"Watch it FAG!" he yelled at me.

I didn't even have to look up to know who it was, his voice was so familiar to me.

He'd been one of my biggest bullies in school so I avoided him at all costs.

My mood immediately changed and the smile that I couldn't get off my face dissapeared like paper on a fire.

My heart sunk and I think I sighed out loud, but I can't remember because I kind of got woozy and dizzy in the worst possible way.

My head spun and the people around me kind of got blurred as he took up all the space in my vision. He snarled at me as I held the tray of drinks in one hand and the muffins in the other.

"Cat got yer tongue?" he spat at me.

All my insecurities returned in that second as I desperately tried to think of something to say...anything really. But nothing came to me. Of all the times I needed my words, the beautiful phrases and pose I had memorised, the intelligent sentences and paragraphs etched on my mind, and I couldn't think of a single word!

I felt tears rising in the back of my throat but it had always been my rule never to let them see me cry. I rushed past him and crossed the traffic against the lights and rushed into the shop.

My heart was pounding as I heard him call something else over the street noise, but I ignored him like I always do and made my way to the back of the shop.

Anne saw the commotion as I flung the tray and muffins on the counter on the way past and followed me to the back.

By this time my tears had started and I was hiccupping against the sobs that had now caught in my throat.

"What is it sweetheart?" she aked me tenderly. "Is it Harry?"

I shook my head as I pursed my lips together and tried to keep the noises to myself. I breathed out my nose and my nostrils flared violently as I tried to gain some composure.

I was so used to the bullies that I usually didnt have this kind of reaction, but the past week and a half had been so blissful without them that it had shocked me to see Wayne again.

I put my head in my hands as a customer walked in, which jingled the bell on the door, so Annie went to see to them.

By the time she came back to me I had managed to calm down and was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears when she brought me my cup of tea.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked.

I took a sip of tea and answered that one of my biggest bullies had been outside. She leant over and squeezed my shoulder without saying anything further.

She knew all about the way I had been treated in school and knew that there wasn't much use for words where this was concerned.

Annie had once been an executive for a supermarket chain and is very intelligent and intuitive.

She once told me all about how her job had her travelling here and there and she made bucket loads of money but had never been happy because the job was so stressful.

She was on call 24 hours/day even on the days she was meant to have off, and would often be called at 2 or 3 in the morning because the night fill manager needed her for something or other.

Her main love had been music and her and one of her old boyfriends had spent time in Seatle and San Fran when the likes of Nirvana and Green Day were just garage bands. She'd hung out with some of them before they were famous so when she got too stressed at her job, she reminisced about her good old glory days and left for happiness.

She found herself working at the book shop because she loved words and learning and the slower, quieter pace of the store.

Sometimes it frustrated me that she didn't always say very much, but over the years I had learnt that she did this in certain situations because she wanted you to figure something out for yourself.

This was one of those moments.

I knew my bullies would only hurt me if I let them. It's in all the self help books and on all the leaflets the drop in centres hand out, and all over the feel good posters at school too.

So I gathered myself up off the table I had planted myself on, took a deep breath and walked back out into the shop.

~

I cupped the paper mug from the café in my hands and bent my head to take a sip of the luke warm drink. There was a customer down the back of the shop so I headed to the counter to put my cup there so I could help them.

As I got closer to the big windows that make up our shop front, I decided to be brave and look up to see if Wayne was still outside.

With my head bent over the tea, I lifted open my still damp lashes and looked through them to the other side of the street.

I got the shock of my life when I saw Harry there. I straightened my body up to watch as he walked along the other side of the road, parallel to my shop.

I saw him squinting in the evening sun even though he had his sunnies on again, and I think I almost fell over when he and Wayne approached and greeted one another!

I watched as they stood chatting for a minute or so, and I felt sick when they started gesturing to the shop as I stood in relative safety a couple of metres from the windows.

I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying because people and traffic passed between us, but they nodded and laughed slightly while looking over in our general direction.

I stood motionless as Harry made for the shop and Wayne gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder.

My stomach started making involuntary convulsions as Harry crossed the road and got closer and closer.

I couldn't believe that this man I had been lusting over, _kissing,_ was friends with my bully!

Were they in on it together? Had they planned the whole thing? Was Harry playing with me? I knew the past few days had been too good to be true! I should have trusted my instincts and stayed far away from everyone!

I put the tea down on the counter next to me as Harry entered the store and took his sunglasses off.

He looked around for a quick second before he saw me standing there. He smiled and made his way to me, but instead of smiling and meeting him half way, I found myself stepping backwards with tears threatening me again.

He stopped when he saw my reaction and furrowed his brow in question.

"You're friends with Wayne Turner?" I finally managed to ask angrily after my mouth had blubbered open and closed a few times.

"Yes, I've known him for years!" he answered cheerily.

My heart sunk as Wayne's years of bullying flashed through my mind.

What would happen with me and Harry now?

 

TO BE CONTINUED....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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